So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
