Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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