i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize