you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize