Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
