I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
