I didn't shave. On purpose
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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