Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
