did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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