I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
