are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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