you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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