Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
