Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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