She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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