you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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