im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
