Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My penis needs a shock collar
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
