guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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