You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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