guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
