i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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