listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
