awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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