Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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