Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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