I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
