are you still at the devil's house?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize