Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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