he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
