I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
