so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
