I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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