she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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