who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
