Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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