so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
