I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
