She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
