Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
