He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
