All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
