I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
operation harelip BJ is a go
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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