i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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