it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize