A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
