I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize