Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize