Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
