I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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