how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
