Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
