if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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