it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize