Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
