Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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