me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
