He had one of those small greek statue penises
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
