As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
