I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My balls are so social today.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
