I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sarcasm needs its own font
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
