exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
