are you so shy because you have an std?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
