I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
